REAL LIFE IN THE US! [1]

The other night at work, me and a co-worker, Carrie, were discussing a movie called Battle Royale. Quaid, eaves-dropping as that mannerless whore does best, came in and started discussing about a REAL LIFE TV show he saw on Foxtel, where in the states, competitors fight each other to the bloody death. I told him that's impossible, it's inhumane, and there's no way known a civilised country would allow such a thing. I brought up that maybe he caught on to a movie called Series 7, where people are selected randomly by gun license numbers, and put against each other to fight to the bloody death. He says, that it wasn't a movie and definitely a show on TV. He was actually so positive that it was real, I can't stress this enough, it scares me to think that someone could be stupid enough to think this is real. He then mentioned a particular character in this show he was watching, and then I went on to describe the rest of her actions in the film. Then he realised how much of an ass he looked like, and shut up. LOL. What a laugh, feels good to make him look like an idiot, especially in front of women cause that's what he hates most. Feels so good not to be Quaid. -OUT

Admin Note: Blogger Images

Blogger, out blog host has just released a great new way to post images to the blogger server. This means that BLOGGER will host the images, which means that you don't need web-space to post images to the blog. Just follow these easy instructions.

Quaid and the misgiven counseling slip. [2]

Last night was an interesting shift. Both Quaid 1 and 2 were working. Quaid 2's shift actually went quite well. Just as she was leaving she gave me this: Counseling Slips are usually given as a disciplinary action. This one reads:

Silas has always been great to work with and helps me to run the shift smoothly. He always looks after the kitchen, deli and shows extra effort especially when busy. He is always cheerful, very positive towards other crew and at the same time leads by example. What you are doing now is fantastic and helpful to managers so keep doing what you are doing... and well done!

That is a counseling form. Those are meant to me given as a disciplinary action. I think she must just like writing.

Welcome Artiom

Everyone, say "yo" to our newest quaider Artiom. I am inviting strez as we speak.

Quaid and the thousand dollar staircase. [1] - Extension

Just extending the original post... What Quaid had decided to do, on this ever so busy shift, was to connect a hose to a tap in the back area. He then decided to hose down the entire back area, and then mop it all up, (1/2 an hour) then he realised that the stairs also required a good clean so he decided to hose them down too, only to realise there was a: no drain at the bottom of the stairs, and b: that he had to mop it all up. On completion of this ever so useless task, (only one of many), I went to check out this job of his. What he has managed to do was dislodge all the dirt and sediment that had clogged up the non-slip tracks at the edge of every stair, and since there was so much, (30 years worth, lol), he had actually given up and left the stairs in a worse state than when he begun. I was ready to walk out then and there...

Quaid and the still missing keys [1]

Tonight Quaid's keys went on extended absence. Artiom had them at the end of the shift and Quaid didn't even realise, even when he sent us home. I think Artiom gave them back in the end but man is that man stupid.

Admin Note

Could you all please make sure that your real name is inside your blogger profile. This will help me administrate. This means you Roxy and Alex, if you wouldn't mind. You're "Display Name" can be anything you want if you would like some privacy. Thanks a lot. Silas -Administrator

Quaids extended rain break [1]

It was a busy friday night only a few weeks ago, bucketing down with rain outside. There we're three or four lines of customers going all the way to the stools in the front window. At the time it was only me doing 4:1 and 10:1 as Silas had left to get some stock of some sort. I remember I was making nine regs when the buzzer went off. I lifted up the toaster, grabbed the tray and burned my self. Not being able to continue with the regs I went to see Quaid to see If he had any burn cream. (The burn was so bad I still have a scar today). Then I looked outside where Quaid was having a smoke in the rain, (not on the little covered verandah, actually in the rain), so I thought I'd finish the regs and wait for him to come back inside. The 15th minute had past and I was still in pain, so I looked for Quaid one last time. The last place I thought he would be was outside. He was still standing in the rain having a second smoke but there was no second cigarette. HE WAS JUST STANDING THERE...IN THE RAIN...GETTING WET. I wisely chose not to interrupt him. I just went back inside.

Here we go people.

I have updated the "byline" of our little blog to represent our new grassroots campaign to have the word "Quaid" added to the dictionary. All we need to do is get enough people to use the word and it will be officially added to the dictionary so convince your friends family and other people (but not any quaids).

Quaid n. A person of limited intelligence in a position of authority.

Ello, Me da new Quaid

Tank yoo Silas for invitin me in to dis great blog YEAH "Quaid Chronicles" Peace Out

Quaid and the thousand dollar staircase. [1]

It was a busy weekend evening, the concert of a popular musician across the road at the Palais Theatre. Maccas was hopping. Sales were sitting around $700 per hour at around 11:00PM (very busy) just before the concert was set to finish and release 1000's of hungry, drunken people upon us. At 11:30 the kitchen called to Quaid to get him to help us. Nowhere could he be found. After about ten minutes we located him. He was busy mopping the stairs that lead to the basement. A highly stupid task to do while the kitchen needs help with cooking food (a primary task). At least we know what he was doing. Mostly he just disappears without a trace. Edit: This post has been extended.Part 2 by Che Aleko.

QUAID (Kuato really, but for the sake of this blog, he's QUAID1) 

Dossier

Quaid 1
sex: male
physical age: 30-40
mental age: 13-15
brain capacity: < 1 cubic cm
stupid-o-meter: unmeasurable
Quaid 1 is the original Quaid. He is blind, deaf, stupid and extremely horny around cheese calls. Known for eating raw eggs and cooking unusual food for the crew Quaid 1 is an example of a truly unusual species. He has a mate and two offspring (and here we were thinking that Quaids could not reproduce). It is unknown wheather Quaids young will end up as Quaids or if they will simply be stupid. We will wait and see. Only two things are currently know about this example of the Quaid species: He needs every one to open their minds to him. His intelligence is only matched by his beauty. It is not known whether his brain is smaller than his dick. Everything else is just speculation. Quaid 2 sex: female
physical age: 30-40
mental age: 20 or so
brain capacity: about 5 cubic cm
stupid-o-meter: usually in the medium to high range
Quaid two has the most annoying laugh ever. And what makes it really bad is that she uses it frequently. People know how good my laughs (Edit: Silas's) are but even I can't reproduce such a tone. This quaid pretends to be nice to get you on her side, then she strikes. She will do something so stupid that even a retard could get it right. She often demands unreasonable stuff and then says "ok, don't worry about it". Avoid if possible. Apprentice Quaid Apprentice Quaid satisfies the first part of the meaning of the word quaid, but he lacks the authority to be a full quaid, hence the apprentice addendum. sex: male
physical age: 16
mental age: < 0
brain capacity: < one cell.
stupid-o-meter: worse than Quaid 1
The owner of our store (Quaid 3 probably) hired this unintentional miscreant on the basis that he had worked in Maccas in Dubbo for a year and a half. Little did Quaid 3 know (most quaids know little) that he only knew how to make fries. We have tried to train him into a valuable crew member but have failed. He is a no hoper. It took 3 weeks full time to just get him OK working on F+P and he still isn't competent. Perhaps we should give up.

Frequently Asked Questions

Ask your question and it will be answered here! You can either email one of the contributors or me directly.

What are all those numbers in square brackets next to the posts?

This number refers to which Quaid the post is about (there are a number of Quaids).

Where can I find information about all these Quaids?

Yes, we will shortly be publishing a dossier with information about all of the Quaids.

What does it mean when you say [incident] next to a post?

This means that it was a Quaid-like incident performed by a non-Quaid.

What is a quaid in training

At this time there is only one Quaid in Training. He has the necessary brainpower to be a Quaid, but lacks the Authority, thus the Quaid-in-Training.