Dossier

Quaid 1
sex: male
physical age: 30-40
mental age: 13-15
brain capacity: < 1 cubic cm
stupid-o-meter: unmeasurable
Quaid 1 is the original Quaid. He is blind, deaf, stupid and extremely horny around cheese calls. Known for eating raw eggs and cooking unusual food for the crew Quaid 1 is an example of a truly unusual species. He has a mate and two offspring (and here we were thinking that Quaids could not reproduce). It is unknown wheather Quaids young will end up as Quaids or if they will simply be stupid. We will wait and see. Only two things are currently know about this example of the Quaid species: He needs every one to open their minds to him. His intelligence is only matched by his beauty. It is not known whether his brain is smaller than his dick. Everything else is just speculation. Quaid 2 sex: female
physical age: 30-40
mental age: 20 or so
brain capacity: about 5 cubic cm
stupid-o-meter: usually in the medium to high range
Quaid two has the most annoying laugh ever. And what makes it really bad is that she uses it frequently. People know how good my laughs (Edit: Silas's) are but even I can't reproduce such a tone. This quaid pretends to be nice to get you on her side, then she strikes. She will do something so stupid that even a retard could get it right. She often demands unreasonable stuff and then says "ok, don't worry about it". Avoid if possible. Apprentice Quaid Apprentice Quaid satisfies the first part of the meaning of the word quaid, but he lacks the authority to be a full quaid, hence the apprentice addendum. sex: male
physical age: 16
mental age: < 0
brain capacity: < one cell.
stupid-o-meter: worse than Quaid 1
The owner of our store (Quaid 3 probably) hired this unintentional miscreant on the basis that he had worked in Maccas in Dubbo for a year and a half. Little did Quaid 3 know (most quaids know little) that he only knew how to make fries. We have tried to train him into a valuable crew member but have failed. He is a no hoper. It took 3 weeks full time to just get him OK working on F+P and he still isn't competent. Perhaps we should give up.